Our day at the Fair

So the other day we took the kids to the county fair. Growing up in Ravenna, I had been to the fair every year growing up, so it had surprised me when David said he'd never been there. He had fun as did the kids. We walked around seeing all the different types of animals, (rabbits, chickens, goats, sheep, horses, pigs, cows and a few others). Paige really enjoyed getting to pet the horses and the sheep. Riley also had a good time. The whole night, Paige begged and begged to go in the HUGE bouncy tent. So finally, we gave in. We let them both go and they had a blast. At one point when we were passing by some baby cows, I heard Paige squeal, "Oh Gross, Mommy they're going poopy!" And sure enough, they were. The next day I had to laugh. Paige had an accident in her training pants. She said, "Mommy, I went poopy in my diaper like a cow!" Well, they say "Out of the mouths of Babes!"

My Life

The Lord has been showing Himself to me a lot these past few weeks. Especially through my children. The little things they do each day, seeing the light bulb click on when they've learned something new, the words of insight from the mouths of babes are too many for me to ignore. Then there are the other blessings. The wide variety of birds I have flocking to my backyard, some I have never seen before, a nice breeze on a hot sweltery day, the fact that even though money is tight we still have a full cupboard and all our utilities running (barely). He's reminding me once again who's in control, and why I so desperately need to keep my focus on Him. If I'm focused on Him, I can't be looking around at all the "other stuff" and be distracted. Afterall, the "other stuff" isn't my responsibility any way. IT'S HIS!!!! He will take care of it and ME. After all, He is the Creator of the Universe. If He can manage that, I think He can probably handle my piddlely problems.

On another note, Riley has been making me so proud lately. The other day I put him up to the table for lunch. I said, "Okay let's say prayers." He immediately flapped his hands together and said, "A-ga" Which to translate means AMEN! I was beaming as was I'm sure, his Creator.

Things seem to be going better for me these past weeks.

A friend of ours has agreed to take my kids two days a week 9-5.

I think it has helped me a lot.

I can have time for myself as well as get things done that are otherwise impossible.

Finances are still EXTREMELY TERRIBLE.

I hate living by the skin of our teeth.

Anyhow, it's warm out again, so I think that's helping to combat the depressed mood I was in during the winter (it helps me not think about it as much).

I'm keeping pretty busy.

I'm looking forward to our mini-vacation next week.

David, me, Brooke and a friend (of course), are going to Mackinac Island. David's cousin is getting married there.

I've never been to the island, and am a little excited to see it.

It makes me want to rent that Christopher Reeve movie..."A Moment in Time..." Is that right? Something like that... anyway it was a really good movie.

Our bible study got done.

I'm a little depressed.

I really enjoyed getting together with all the girls...we had some pretty fun times...It was Great!

Well, I seem to be babbling now so I guess until next time!!!!

Help!!!!I feel like I'm in a downward sprial. My life seems to be getting worse by the day. We're so close to a financial breakdown (I'm talking losing everything!), my husband was in the hospital last Thur. and Fri. and we found out our new insurance didn't start until Sat., Sunday night my daughter fell out of bed and broke her collarbone, Tuesday my husband's grandpa had major surgery to remove some cancer. It was supposed to be a six hour surgery and was actually 12 hours, and then Wed. he started bleeding internally so they had another 3 hour surgery. Wed. night my step-daughter broke her foot. My son is teething and very cranky ALL THE TIME!!!, and did I mention I have a serious case of MOMMY BURNOUT!!!!! I mean, I can't even think about handling one more thing right now! (I hate not being myself) I blow up at everyone lately. I even got upset at my husband the other day and just walked out and drove away. That's so not like me. I don't know where to go, or who to talk to. I've prayed so much lately for some peace and patience, but things just seem to get worse and worse. I just need a break (at least a week) and no one seems to understand. LORD, Please help me out of this pit I'm in. Please send me some relief or at some patience to get through it. AMEN!

Yesterday was Easter. I decided a few weeks ago to follow the Spirit's leading (and my husband's nagging) and told the worship team at church I would sing on Easter morning. It was nothing I would have done on my own. I couldn't really even believe the words were escaping my mouth. So, I went through with it, and I think I surprized many people, myself included. I realized I'm a lot braver than I thought. I'm not really one to just put my head out like that, but I think it was a positive experience. The best part was when my husband brought my little girl over from nursery to watch me sing. She was so excited to see mommie up there. It just melted my heart and kind of helped me forget the nervousness I'd been feeling all morning. Many people said it looked like I belonged up there, and it seemed to complete the team, having a woman up there. I don't know if they're just trying to be nice or if it was the truth. I sure hope it sounded okay. That's the last thing I want to do is scare people away with my terrible voice. My husband says my voice is great and that God was probably wondering why I haven't used the talent He blessed me with. I guess I'm just kind of babbling now, but I'm just scared.

Just thought I would post some of my stuff from college. These are mostly poems and such, but there some of my best stuff. Enjoy!

(UNTITLED)

I gaze at you softly and

for the first time see

things that before had

gone unnoticed. Your eyes

though gentle and kind

give off a slight wickedness.

Your perfectly formed teeth

remind me of a lovely white

pearl necklace, every time

you smile. The way your

clothes move with your body

as if you were born in them,

and the way you pronounce my

name, with such emotion

makes my body shiver with delight.

(BOUQUET OF LOVE)

I cascade you

with flowers from

my shoppe. Teal

roses moisten your

lips to the touch.

Carnations of burgundy,

wine we will share.

The bittersweet taste

sends mums down my spine.

I will caress your

gentle hands until the

night orchids again.

Day and night,

endlessly beautifying.

You are bee, I am nectar.

Forever we will tulip.

(LOVELY WHITE LIES)

THe chill of her breath

envelops the dawm,

her words are harsh

and cold. She hides her

wickedness behind a mask

of beauty.

Her white laced dress

sparkles like diamond

in the sunlight. The song

she sings is a sweet

lullabye that appeases

every ear.

Her silent whisper is

felt by everyone around

her. She lives in constant

sadness but her tears

remain frozen.

She has a deep desire to

do things her way at all

times and gets great pleasure

out of making others miserable.

(This last piece is describing winter in case you didn't pick that up).

My life has been hectic lately. It's come to a point that now I need to make a decision. I need to decide whether or not I should let someone else watch my kids a few hours a day so I can help out with our investment business. It's a decision I dread, because this has been my dream. I love being a stay at home mother and I love watching them growing and learn from my nurturing and molding. I've been dreading this decision for about two weeks and its got me tied in knots. I hate the thought of someone else (trusted or not) stepping in my place even for a few hours. What's a mother to do. If I don't step in with the office work, we may have some major problems on our hands though. I've been desperately praying that God would give me some answers. Look at her precious face. What is a wife and mother to do? "Lord once again I step before You in anxious humility wondering what I need to do in this situation. Please grant me Your wisdom and send Your Spirit to give me peace. Bless my children, Lord as they grow and help me to continue to bring them up as You would have them. Bless my husband also as we go through this difficult time together and help us to always remember that no matter what, You're still in control! I love You, Lord. AMEN!"

So things have been pretty crazy around here lately. I think I'm seriously going through (or am on the verge of) a nervous breakdown. Our finances are terrible, things are very, let's say "unorganized" and "up in the air" as far as my husbands income which of course takes a huge toll on me, because I'm home all day, my baby is already walking, my two year old, as you know, is potty training, and to top it all off, we got another dog. Lately, I haven't had much as far as motivation. I have such good intentions to take the kids out and do things, but in the end, we stay home, hour after hour, day after day. And then I feel worse. I just want to get past this "rut" if you will, that I seem to have fallen into. There's a lot more to it than what I've listed here, but I don't feel like sharing at this point. Anyway, I just hope things start to pick up and Spring comes. I really could use some warm sunshine.

(Potty Training) January 11, 2006
Ok, Ok I know it's been a LOOOOOONG time since I've posted anything, but I've been busy, REAL BUSY! It's called I have a two year old POTTY TRAINING busy. I have to tell you, it not as easy as people make it sound. My child is so smart (I'm not being biased!) in every area except this one I think. She just can seem to grasp the concept of keeping her diaper DRY & CLEAN. She sits on the potty, she even does stuff on the potty, but not all the time. It's very frustrating! Anyway, I bought a great book about the subject and it even came with a little kids book to kind of get them in the mood I guess. So, I've read it to her a couple times and she loves it. I think because she can relate to what's going on in the story. So tonight, she was on her "thone" and she said, "No go away mom. Daddy has to help me and read the story." I thought, okay let him. So I called my husband into the bathroom and within a few minutes he was instructed by a two year old to sit on the floor and read her the "potty story". I could tell it was a very humbling experience for him. He kept asking if she was done yet....her response every time was NO! I thought it to be quite comical. Well, that's all for now.